20091014

i have been overwhelmed the last couple of months.
with everything that i am NOT. that i am lacking. that i could've done better, said better, dealt with better.
this way. that way. your way. their way. His way.
but living in light of others is really tiring. all you can do is be the best at being you right?

and yes, people will reject that
and yes, it will hurt
but what hurts more, and this i have found, is rejecting yourself.
choosing to see yourself through their eyes.
constantly pointing out your faults, your failures.
insecurity, the cursed word

feeling guilty about who you are. its like going against the deepest part of yourself.

identity.

knowing who i am and being at peace with that.
being ok with my weaknesses and proud of my strengths.

i am desperately desiring to reach this place. and to find THE TRUTH. not opinion. not mine. not yours. HIS.
i want to live only in light of who God says I am and who God himself is.

i wonder if it gets any easier.


You looked into my life and never stopped
And you're thinking all my thoughts
Are so simple, but so beautiful
And you recite my words right back to me
Before I even speak
You let me know, I am understood - relient k

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