your nets

God gave me a beautiful revelation of hope and encouragement that i thought id share.

i just love how the Spirit sometimes opens up your eyes to scripture when you read it and it just makes so much sense. that's when i immediately reach for my pen and start writing everything God whispers into my ear.

Luke 5.
this is the deal.

Jesus is teaching from Simon's boat. crowds are gathered to hear him teach the Word.
when he is done, he turns to Simon and says v4 "now go out where it is deeper and let down your nets to catch some fish"

v5 - 10 '“Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.”
And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear!

A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking.

When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said,
“Oh, Lord, please leave me — I’m too much of a sinner to be around you.”
For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as were the others with him. His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, were also amazed.

Jesus replied to Simon, “Don’t be afraid! From now on you’ll be fishing for people!”'

life is super disappointing sometimes. it doesnt always work out the way we want it to, we don't always get what we want, when we want it.
you've maybe thrown your net into the water so many times and caught nothing.

so when Jesus urges us to let down our nets AGAIN, we are filled with doubt and apprehension. we don't have much hope for things to turn out differently than they have in the past.

but we know who Jesus is and we love him so we say "if you say so Jesus". a little seed of hope remains. perhaps Jesus knows what He's doing.

a little bit of faith can take you where it is deeper.

one day, you will cast out your net, and He will fill it way beyond your expectation.
and you will be filled with awe, humbled at the sight of this God that blesses abundantly, more than we deserve.

do not lose hope.
perhaps you just need to trust Him again, go out where its deeper, where the perspective is a bit different.

let down your nets one more time.


nature is a language cant you read

even though i fancy myself as being a bit of a city girl
being in the mountains,
beside the ocean,
amongst the trees,
it refreshes like (i think) it was meant to

mmm God's creation.
and it blows my mind that he would create all of this beauty
and still have need for us.
created in His image, an expression of His love.
morissey was right, nature is saying GOD LOVES YOU, HE DELIGHTS IN YOU


the greatest gift

so this past weekend was my church's annual womens conference. woah, there is something about a room packed with women. so comforting. 

i must admit, i kinda decided that i liked joanne geerling long before i even heard her preach. i remember hearing her husband paul geerling preach at a view church conference a year ago and i really liked him. he was kind and gentle and real. i like those.

so joanne...she turned out to be really inspiring. and like her husband, she is real and honest about her life and faith. much respect!

she suggested writing down all the things God spoke to us during the conference, as a testimony and an account of God's revelation and work in our lives. so here goes...

the first nite joanne spoke on the woman in mark 14 who comes to anoint Jesus' feet with expensive perfume, upon which some comment that she is wasting money that can be used for the poor.

Jesus answers,
why criticise her for doing such a beautiful thing?
I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world,
this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed.

joanne spoke about the woman who grabbed Jesus' attention and what it was about her life that made Jesus look at her differently than the world did.

one point that she made really got me thinking,
'giving isnt about how much you have, it is about the condition of your heart.'

this women's heart was for Christ, to please him, to worship him. it was about way more than some chanel no5 perfume :) (or marc jacobs if you please)

often I don't pour myself out to God and to others completely. yet perfume's fragrance is only enjoyed once poured out.

i often keep the lid on what God has given me.
cos of fear. insecurity. doubt. laziness! can i get an amen?
but often, it's just because im not sure what exactly it is God wants me to pour out.
confusion is a huge pause button.

not pouring out my life to God, to others, just means oil in a pretty bottle right?
when it could be a beautiful scent.


but i asked God
what is this perfume Lord?
what have you placed in my hands that i can give that will please you and will bring enjoyment to others?

if you're like me, you often ask yourself, what is my gift? my calling? my ministry? 
I know what im good at, but what does God want me to do? how? where? when?
i end up facing question marks wherever i turn (and my face kinda starts looking like a question mark) and again...the pause button. ugh.

so im asking God these things.
frustrated, trying to direct all the passions and desires of my heart into a 'destiny'

but then...
is that not the biggest gift God has given us to serve Him and others with?
is love not the biggest gift we can give?

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart
and all your soul
and all your mind
this is the great and first commmandment
and a second is like it, you shall love your neighbour as you do yourself
these two commandments sum up and upon them depend all the law and the prophets

(it seems so simple...
but HOW Lord, how do I, so imperfect and incapable of loving, fully love others?

it is such a hard task and i know that i am going to fail at it a million times over
i am so far away from living a life of love)

I will fill you with My Love,
I will love you,
I will teach you,

make yourself available, pour your life unto Me, and onto others, even if imperfectly
and I will fill your heart
for apart from Me, you can do nothing

don't ask me how, but im trusting Him to teach me how to love. 



One Flesh || Elizabeth Jennings

Lying apart now, each in a separate bed, 
He with a book, keeping the light on late, 
She like a girl dreaming of childhood, 
All men elsewhere - it is as if they wait 
Some new event: the book he holds unread, 
Her eyes fixed on the shadows overhead. 

Tossed up like flotsam from a former passion, 
How cool they lie. They hardly ever touch, 
Or if they do, it is like a confession 
Of having little feeling - or too much. 
Chastity faces them, a destination 
For which their whole lives were a preparation. 

Strangely apart, yet strangely close together, 
Silence between them like a thread to hold 
And not wind in. And time itself's a feather 
Touching them gently. Do they know they're old, 
These two who are my father and my mother 
Whose fire from which I came, has now grown cold?

I Held You in the Square || Ben Okri, 1986

I held you in the square
And felt the evening
Re-order itself around
Your smile.

The dreams I could never touch
Felt like your body.
Your gentleness made the 
Night soft.

And even if we didn't know
Where we were going,
Nor what street to take
Or what bench to sit on
What chambers awaited
That would deliver us our
Naked joy,
I could feel in your spirit
The restlessness for a journey
Whose beauty lies 
In the arriving moment 
Of each desire.

Holding you in the evening square,
I sealed a dream
With your smile as the secret pact.




i love them.
bought and watched two really great ones this month.

jack white. what can i say? he is a genius.
in my opinion, one of the most intriguing and creative characters in music. the way he explores is inspiring.*
was sad when the credits rolled.

"the white stripes are at the same time, the most fake and most real band in the world"

* if you like this, you might also like "It might get loud"

wow. great film. beautiful art. interesting stories.

i was especially intrigued by the work and personality of mike mills and the story of margaret kilgallen, who died at the very young age of 33.
a lot of a-ha moments in this film.


the 26th year

these are my friends. 
these are my days.


parentals (plus one charlie chaplin moustache - my dad's one is real..haha) 
and brother lurking on the side

this is how i roll.



she is my sister.

26 more years of this? i can't wait.

if your pretty face is in any of these pictures, that means that you're totally awesome in my books.

my friend anthony (lee martin) has this rad canon 500 something something fancy camera and he was kind enough to document the 26th year. check out more of his work on facebook. thanks dude.


like lot's wife

the heart is a strange strange thing.
speaking words i either completely misinterpret 
or don't understand at all.

looking back too many times.
into the same old road.

quiet this mind. you know how it never rests.
the past always steals my peace. 

that beautiful peace.

you know and i know
that looking back only leads to 
pillars of salt.


a note to self

i don't ever want to forget to have FUN and laugh at myself. 
that's when i am free.
to care less about what others think. 
to let others be.


a little girl in the big city

it starts with the seed of a dream. and it grows into a desire of the heart.
not easily swayed by the passing of time or fashion or even the way your eyes look to and fro from one option to another.
it remains. 
and you forget about it. and then you remember. and you forget about it again.
and then you remember again.
and everytime the desire grows and you grow more curious.

what would it be like to follow that dream into reality?

He leads you onto that unknown path.
and He makes a way where there is no way. 
He goes before you and He gives you favour.
and He answers every prayer.
and you know, you KNOW that this is where He is leading you.
away from the known.
into the unknown.

i know you are scared cos you cannot anticipate the change. the consequences of following.
but you are compelled. and you are excited.

don't be afraid.

don't be afraid to make mistakes.
try not to overthink, overanalyze or reason too much.
take risks. trust.
try not to avoid the call of your heart if it leads you to life.

when you go down that road. and its right.
when you take the risk. and its right.
everything will change. it will be great.
and you'll be guided by an inner strength. it is well with my soul.
the peace that surpasses all your understanding. guarding your heart and mind.


God will sometimes lead us down unknown paths.
and we'll have the courage to follow.
and oh boy, it will take courage.

but you will have peace.
cos you'll be living the life you were created for.



"Unclean! Unclean!"
I cover my face and echo these words
"Unclean! Unclean!
Please, turn your face from me, I am terribly unclean."

The leprosy has spread
deep into my heart
and I am unclean!

My limbs, tearing off.
I am losing myself.
I'll make my bed beyond these borders.
I'll call this lonely place home.
As long as I am unclean.

A figure on the horizon.
Feet full of dust.
A hand extends.
Covered in precious blood.
He touches my face.
"You are clean! You are clean!
My daughter, you are clean and I AM your new home!"


i painted roads on the walls

ah blogging....

its been a while.
lots and lots of curious thoughts running through my head at the moment.
been looking into actually following my dreams...hmmm, let's see how that pans out.

been loving life. just enjoying every chunk i get to bite out of it. tasting all the goooodness.

and that deep knowing that the there is so much more on the way.

God keeps on blessing me with love. from all directions.
i am so undeserving.
compelled to become a better example of His love.

been writing. a bit.
wanting to write plenty more.
i tend to stay away from pen and paper unless i have a plan.
which is really silly.

oh and i must just tell y'all...iv been devouring a book called "poems for life" which is a selection of the best penguin poems. it was a gift from my dear friend Cassan.
such beautiful words.
can't wait to share some on here.